I was born and risen in an average family close to Eindhoven. I had some friends and everything went well until I became a teenager. I started to be interested in various occult things; by which I got turned inwards upon myself. I couldn’t express myself nor open up myself to others. I was very sensitive to everything the others said and thought of me. Add up the adolescent itches which did no good to me at all. I didn’t dare to talk about it with my parents, so I turned inwards upon myself more and more. At a certain moment, when I was 14, I resolved to quit life and so I decided to commit suicide. This failed and my parents found out what I did. They were very grieved with this. So I knew I shouldn’t even try it again. There I was, unhappy, and I couldn’t do anything with this. I felt rejected by everybody and I stumbled through life.
I went studying nursery in Eindhoven when I was 17. I could hardly conversate, so this didn’t work because as a nurse you are supposed to be focused on other people. I quit that study and I applied at the regional mental health institute (RIAGG) and I found myself there in a conversation group between other youngsters. I did see which problems I had, such as lying out of uncertainty about what other people would think of me. But I didn’t dare to tell that in this group. Actually, I changed on the outside, I reckoned the necessity of it, yes. So I started to chat about all kind of things. But in the inner side I was unhappy and I felt rejected.
After one year, I began a new study in Maastricht. I got some friends there, I dared to tell my opinions – but on the outside, I didn’t change. My most beloved cousin died just before I moved to Maastricht. I was really all cut up about his decay. However this made me to think about life after death. What would be out there, would there be a God?
After one year, I went to a students association. I met a guy there who believed in God. He had a kind of peace over himself and I deeply desired to have this as well. I talked about God with him and he invited me to the meetings. But I never came there. He gave me a book of David Wilkerson: ‘The cross and the switchblade’. It was about a preacher who put off his TV and began to pray in the leftover time instead. He really talked with God; that was a very particular thing to me.
After some time I had to show up to take the driving test for the third time and I was upset. I was so nervous over and over again. Then I prayed my first prayer: God, If You exist, then it’s up to You to do it, because I can’t make it. I stepped in the car, and it went just like la la la, God is makin’ it. But I passed the test!! Three days later, the guy – who told me about God – had a wedding and I was invited. They had a Christian service and I really wanted to come forward at the altar call to accept Jesus as my Savior, but I feared I’d draw too much attention to me, I thought it was the bridal couple’s day after all.
A month later, I wanted to organize a meeting about the difference before and after you’re going to believe in God. I thought to find out how I’d do that. So I invited the bridegroom and he invited me for the service later. I knew I had to go there, and I went. It was the same kind of service, but this time, I did go forward. Someone prayed with me, I didn’t have a half of the clue, but I knew: this is it! This is the very thing I longed for all these years.
That night in bed, I knew I didn’t have to commit suicide anymore. I had peace in my heart and an unspeakable joy. I often longed for a friend who’d always listen to me and who’d always understand me. And I found him, a real big Friend. He listened and understood everything. I poured out my heart to Him and he was healing me – piece by piece – of rejection and all the pains I had. I began to change; I was a catty girl. I stopped lying, hatred, bitterness and smoking. Yes! Someone who unconditionally loves me. Before all this, when I went to sleep, I often felt so ashamed of all wrongdoings I did. After my conversion, I rethought about the same things and joy simply came over me, for I knew I have been forgiven.
After five years I got married, and I got ill around that time. My thyroid gland was inflamed and it was broken. I was to swallow medicines for the rest of my life. The doctor told me: You shouldn’t hope that some day, you would be healed. That’s not gonna happen. But I have seen miracles before. And I resolved to be prayed for until I were to be healed.
After a couple of years I was prayed for and I knew that I was healed then. I stopped taking in the medicines and when I felt some pain in my throat, I’d rebuke it with the blood of Jesus and it left.
After three months I needed a blood test and I went to the doctor. He said: your blood levels are good, go on like this. But I made him clear that I haven’t swallowed any medicines for three months and I told him why I did so. She found this striking. To be sure, she had me testing blood for another two months, but everything proved to be well and she officially declared that I was healed. That happened a year after I was told that this would be impossible. Yeah, with God all things are possible, literally!
I’d understand you if you say that you always heard that God wouldn’t exist or that He would just be watching. But that is not true! God sees your heart, your pain, your efforts, your problems. And He wants to and He is able to heal and change everything. It’s up to you to open the door for Him. You may be thinking, I don’t believe! Well, I didn’t believe in God yet when I took my driving test. About this, you can see God can’t wait to help you. Make that choice and see what God will do in your life!
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